Friday 31 October 2008
From the 13/10/08...very nice, perfect Fire Drill Fodder
The latest club craze is to fill a woman's vagina with vodka and then suck
it out using a straw. Doctors are warning about the dangers of minge
drinking
A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos!
Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!
85% of Liverpudlian males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The
other 15% haven't been to prison yet
Just bought a racehorse called 'My Face', It may not be any good but I
can't wait to hear all the women in the crowd screaming 'come on .. .My
face
If mothers Celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day, lovers
celebrate valentines day, do wankers celebrate palm sunday?
Just popped home, caught the plumber with his dick in the dog! Can't
believe the police won't do anything! They said the bastard was corgi
registered
Are you available to come to a charity pancake competition on Shrove
Tuesday? The organisers have the pans and the ingredients they just need a
tosser.
it out using a straw. Doctors are warning about the dangers of minge
drinking
A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos!
Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!
85% of Liverpudlian males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The
other 15% haven't been to prison yet
Just bought a racehorse called 'My Face', It may not be any good but I
can't wait to hear all the women in the crowd screaming 'come on .. .My
face
If mothers Celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day, lovers
celebrate valentines day, do wankers celebrate palm sunday?
Just popped home, caught the plumber with his dick in the dog! Can't
believe the police won't do anything! They said the bastard was corgi
registered
Are you available to come to a charity pancake competition on Shrove
Tuesday? The organisers have the pans and the ingredients they just need a
tosser.
...and there's more. Actually this one is quite funny.
A vicar books into a hotel and says to the hotel receptionist, "I hope the
porn channel in my room is disabled?"
She says "No it's just regular porn, you sick bastard."
porn channel in my room is disabled?"
She says "No it's just regular porn, you sick bastard."
More Comedy Gold from the bowels of the Web
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout
looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and
eventually asks the hooker, 'How much do you charge?'
Hooker replies, 'It starts at $500 for a hand-job.'
Guy says, '$500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that
kind of money!'
The hooker says, 'Do you see that Denny's on the corner?'
'Yes.'
'Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?'
'Yes.'
'And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?'
'Yes.'
'Well,' says the hooker, smiling invitingly, 'I own those. And, I
own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500'
Guy says, 'What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try.'
They retire to a nearby motel.
A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that
he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of
$500. He is so amazed, he says, 'I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?'
The hooker replies, '$1,500.'
I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!'
The hooker replies, 'Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you
see that casino just across the street? I own that casino
outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth
every cent of $1,500.'
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job,
decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says,
'Sign me up.'
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than
before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his
money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for
one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker,
'How much for some pussy?'
The hooker says, 'Come over here to the window, I want to show you
something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out
before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and
showplaces?'
'Damn!' the guy says, in awe, 'You own the whole city?'
'No,' the hooker replies, 'but I would if I had a pussy.'
looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and
eventually asks the hooker, 'How much do you charge?'
Hooker replies, 'It starts at $500 for a hand-job.'
Guy says, '$500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that
kind of money!'
The hooker says, 'Do you see that Denny's on the corner?'
'Yes.'
'Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?'
'Yes.'
'And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?'
'Yes.'
'Well,' says the hooker, smiling invitingly, 'I own those. And, I
own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500'
Guy says, 'What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try.'
They retire to a nearby motel.
A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that
he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of
$500. He is so amazed, he says, 'I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?'
The hooker replies, '$1,500.'
I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!'
The hooker replies, 'Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you
see that casino just across the street? I own that casino
outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth
every cent of $1,500.'
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job,
decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says,
'Sign me up.'
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than
before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his
money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for
one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker,
'How much for some pussy?'
The hooker says, 'Come over here to the window, I want to show you
something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out
before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and
showplaces?'
'Damn!' the guy says, in awe, 'You own the whole city?'
'No,' the hooker replies, 'but I would if I had a pussy.'
This is exactly what this Blog is for...Sent by my father 30/09/08
The Why's of Men
>
> 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
> (because they are plugged into a genius)
>
> 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
> (they don't have enough time)
>
> 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
> (they don't stop to ask directions)
>
> 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
> (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
>
> (You're laughing, aren't
> you?!?!)
>
> 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
>
> (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
>
> 6. WHY DID
> GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
> (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
>
> 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
> (don't know.....it never happened)
>
> (C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
> And the personal favorite:
>
> 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
> (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
>
> Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in
> your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart!
> One for the ladies.......
> One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
> sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
> shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
> 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
> He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'
>
> And they say blondes are dumb...
> -----------------------------------------------
>
> A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
> 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
> The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
>
> ---------------------------------------------- -------------
>
> 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped
> out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would
> think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
> 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
>
> -----------------------------------------------
>
> Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
> A: A rumor
>
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Lord,
> I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
> Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll
> beat him to death.
> AMEN
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> Q: Why do
> little boys whine?
> A: They are practicing to be men.
> -----------------------------------------------
> Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
> and calling your name?
> A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
> A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> Send this to at least five bright, funny women you know and make
> their day!
> And send this to five bright men
> who have enough sense of humor to take it!
>
> 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
> (because they are plugged into a genius)
>
> 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
> (they don't have enough time)
>
> 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
> (they don't stop to ask directions)
>
> 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
> (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
>
> (You're laughing, aren't
> you?!?!)
>
> 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
>
> (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
>
> 6. WHY DID
> GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
> (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
>
> 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
> (don't know.....it never happened)
>
> (C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
> And the personal favorite:
>
> 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
> (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
>
> Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in
> your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart!
> One for the ladies.......
> One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
> sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
> shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
> 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
> He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'
>
> And they say blondes are dumb...
> -----------------------------------------------
>
> A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
> 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
> The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
>
> ---------------------------------------------- -------------
>
> 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped
> out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would
> think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
> 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
>
> -----------------------------------------------
>
> Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
> A: A rumor
>
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Lord,
> I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
> Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll
> beat him to death.
> AMEN
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> Q: Why do
> little boys whine?
> A: They are practicing to be men.
> -----------------------------------------------
> Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
> and calling your name?
> A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
> A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> Send this to at least five bright, funny women you know and make
> their day!
> And send this to five bright men
> who have enough sense of humor to take it!
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