10 years old, this makes for a great vintage fire drill

Yes 10 years old and over 40,000 round trips of the internet. Finally it lands in the lap of the fire drill. Hopefully never to annoy or clog up an inbox ever again.

My Sex is on Fire

Give me strength!!!

The Black Bra - actually funny

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:

The other night my boyfriend came over and found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you. Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,

"What's for dinner, Batman?"

Olympic Condoms - More Fire Escape than Drill

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "There are three colors," he replies, "gold, silver and bronze." "What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily. "Gold of course," says the man proudly. The wife responds really, "Why don't you wear silver. It would be nice if you came second for a change!"

A BIT LIPPY !

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her Vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the Surgeon agreed.  Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.  Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.  'I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!'  The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him.  'I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.'  'The second rose is from my nurse.  She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago.'  'and what about the third rose ?' she asked.  'That's from a man upstairs in the burns unit.  He wanted to thank you for his new ears.' 

Phluffy Phuc

* A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks "excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?" **  The shopkeepers heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says "do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft fwuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there?"  The little girl blushes, rocks back on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers, " I don't wealy fink my pyfon gives a phuc." * 

Joke of the Week

Story about a man who drunk alot, his wife said "iI you come drunk like this again i'm leaving you" The next night he went out and got totally rat-arsed, threw up all over himself, he said to his mate, "If i go home again drunk she will leave me", his friend said "Go home and tell her someone threw up all over you and put a £20 note in your inside pocket, and show it to her and say" He gave me this for a dry cleaning bill". He got home and told her what happened, she said " Why is it that there are two £20 notes in your pocket?" he replied "Thats from the man who shat in my pants !!"