Is there a more perfect gag to enter the Fire Drill vault?

Confucius say, 'If you can't find the book you want, you're probably shopping at the...'


Back of the net!!!

Eureka - Fire Drill liquid gold.

Taking a Women to Bed!!!
What is the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78 ?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- Y ou don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story! *

At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now,

212,130 are kissing, and.........

Hold on Fire Drillers, here it comes........

1 poor bastard is reading emails. (Pow, Boom, Thwack - on the floor)
You hang in there sunshine.

The muppets enter the Fire Drill vault - Can anyone else smell sweet and sour pork?

2010 - it's back and this time it's going to be hotter and more asian than ever

It's been quite a while, but CFD is back and boy are there some treats coming up - There goes the siren, let's go:

Joe and Dean were fishing in Michigan when Dean pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Joe for a light.

'Yeah, sure, he replied, and pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

'Jiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Dean, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands.'Where did you get that monster??'
'Well,' replied Joe, 'I got it from my Genie.'
'You have a Genie?' Dean asked.
'Yeah, sure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Joe.
'Could I see him?'

Joe opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie. Addressing the genie, Dean says, 'Hey there I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?''Yes, I will,' says the Genie. So Dean asks the Genie for a million bucks.

The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Dean sitting there waiting for his million bucks. Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks....flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks Dean yells at Joe, 'What the heck I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!' Joe answers, 'Yeah, I forgot to tell you that the Genie is hard of hearing.
Do you really think I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

Brought up-to-date by replacing the word 'Walkman' with the word 'iPod'...almost seamless.

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

(Insert slow Trombone SFX here)

It's another husband and wife joke...with a twist.

A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,.......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow!...................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own fucking blanket.'

After a moment of silence, ......................he farted.

Please enjoy 1978's 'Joke of the Year'...again

A man died and went to Heaven.

As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks? "

St. Peter answered,"These are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."

"Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that? "

"That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter.

"The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible", said the man. "And whose clock is that one? "

St. Peter responded, "that's Abraham Lincoln's clock: the hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life. "

"Where's Gordon Brown's clock? " Asked the man.

St Peter replied, "Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan".